BDAY

A few days ago an event occurred: my birthday.
I must say that I was very surprised by the amount of people who remembered it. To all of them: Thanx!!!!!!!
Every year, at least since I entered Uni, I think: this bday will be different, and all my classmates are going to say "Happy Bday", but that doesn't really occur. People from other classes remember it and wish u the best, but some of the nearest don't. I must thank everybody, but especially my nearest friends, my best friends, who made that day unforgettable.
I'm 21 now and each year I turn another year it's more special. That's why I love the people who surround me, because they make MY DAY special.

I need my shrink

I really need my shrink. I thought all was settled in my mind and life since last february, but the feelings aren't going away. I haven't been able to manage it. I feel I'm a loser, cuz I can't handle things right. I hate the feeling inside, I want to be normal. I don't want any strings, I don't want to be the only one responsible for the many things of my own house. I'm not the only one who lives here! I want my freedom, I want to do what I want to do. I hate this complicated situation, I hate complicated situations in general. I want to be responsible for the things I want to do and I have to do, not fot others' things. At this point I can see only a solution, but it's not even possible. There are other priorities in my life. Suffering like this I hope will only make me happy in the future. I'm unhappy, I want so many things to change. I feel I'll collapse one of these days, I feel I'm going mad. I feel no one is really taking in consideration my feelings when they make decisions, especially when they involve me. I feel and want sooo many things that I cry.

U may be surrounded by thousands of people sometimes, but u still feel lonely....

Fridays and Saturdays

Right now i don't wanna be where I am. I doesn't make me feel happy or good. I just wanna be at home. I feel trapped. I feel left aside. I'd rather someone to tell me that he doesn't really want to see me, cuz if u wanna see someone, u don't leave her alone or left aside, right? Too bad ur barbecue was today, but kids come first, don't we? It's hard 2 believe u, really hard. It's painful to come here every single weekend, cuz it's always the same old story, and I feel the same way. I wish I had the guts to tell u the truth what I really feel. Wait, I already did and it was fruitless. I wanna get out. When will u listen to me? Huh? When will u see me as a big girl and not as a kid anymore? I'll be 21 in 2 weeks..... I seriously don't want any strings attached. I want my life and my freedom, from now on, but I guess I'll have to have the guts to tell u that, and I don't know when will that happen.

THE boy

Today I saw him again, after a couple of weeks and I think I'm finally getting over him. After 2 months of waiting to get over him, I'm finally in that part of the story. He's kind, gentle, a good person, but at the same time, he seems cold. I have never looked at him in that way, but he's cold, distant. I never saw him in that way, maybe because I was dying for me, but I just realized he's cold, at least with me.