Summer 2009 - Part 2

Ok, this is part 2. This is the part where I express my feelings about my summer vacation with my dad. 4 days have been since my vacation started and I can't stop expressing the fact that I feel the same I felt 2 years ago, this same date, but on a different place. I feel trapped and with no escape at all. I know it's sad to say this, but it's just that my ideal vacation is far from being my dad's ideal vacation. He's the type of person who likes to stay in one place the whole time and feels reluctant when having to share some time with other people that he even might know. He likes to "know" me and my bro.
I feel so bad writing this while he's next door, but I guess I have to express my feelings some way.
Coming on a vacation with my dad after I've grown up makes me realize that it's no use for me to keep coming and sharing the supossed "2-weeks-of-sharing-a-lovely-time-together (my dad, my bro and me)" while these aren't vacation to me. For one thing the-sharing-all-the-time-we-can-together it's not what I like. I'm like a bird, I'm independent and I like to have a time to do whatever I like to do, without thinking on somebody else or if somebody would like it or not. I like to have my own freedom, and not having to spend 24/7 with my family. I love them, but it's just that sometimes I feel suffocated by this concept of vacation.
On the other hand, the place we chose this year is great. I really like it here, but since he's the kind of guy that spends the 90% of the time in the hut or nearby. He doesn't like coming downtown or going to the beach, which I think is the opposite of me.
I really think he's having trouble acknowledging I'm 21 and that my bro's 24. We're old enough to decide whether we like something or not, and in my case, I think I might not go to any other vacation in the near future with my dad. I've had it up here!

Serena and Blair??? Am I Blair??

A few weeks ago I wrote about how I felt on Fridays and Saturdays and part of that feeling is going away and I'm startin' to feel much better.
But some other feelings are comin' out to light. I'm starting to feel like Blair in GG does: I 'm starting to feel left behind by a Serena. A Serena that has become friends with my mom and that they even go to restaurants and pubs together, while my mom doesn't even take me or my brother to those places. I feel my mom has found a new daughter, a better one, a daughter that works woth er, spends time with her, understands her, etc. And I know my mom only wants to help her, but what about helping me? I need money too. She has found a friend-daughter, and sincereley I'm far away for being like that. I feel left behind for only I have tons of things to study while Serena has few courses this term. I'm afraid my mom likes better her new daughter and forgets about me. I really understand now how does Blair feel about Serena. Serena is a rising star while Blair has to be backstage and watch how the things happen.
I know I have to talk to my mom, but I don't want to make such a fuss about this. My mom will think I'm making a scene, a jealous scene and we'll fight and nver understand each other. That's why I don't think talking to her is such a good idea. We'll never reach a common point. We'll always fight, and this is another one. I feel nothing's gonna change if I tell her how I feel. Besides, we never have the time, I feel she never has the time to listen to me, to SEE me. She only has time for my granpa, her friends, Serena, her work, but not me.

Fridays and Saturdays

Right now i don't wanna be where I am. I doesn't make me feel happy or good. I just wanna be at home. I feel trapped. I feel left aside. I'd rather someone to tell me that he doesn't really want to see me, cuz if u wanna see someone, u don't leave her alone or left aside, right? Too bad ur barbecue was today, but kids come first, don't we? It's hard 2 believe u, really hard. It's painful to come here every single weekend, cuz it's always the same old story, and I feel the same way. I wish I had the guts to tell u the truth what I really feel. Wait, I already did and it was fruitless. I wanna get out. When will u listen to me? Huh? When will u see me as a big girl and not as a kid anymore? I'll be 21 in 2 weeks..... I seriously don't want any strings attached. I want my life and my freedom, from now on, but I guess I'll have to have the guts to tell u that, and I don't know when will that happen.

more revealed truths

Yesterday I talked to my good friend E and she revealed some truths to me, which I can't really tell, because they're her secrets and she trusts me so much and I don't wanna lose her as a frien, even though she lives far away from here. This all revelation and what leads me to the real topic is that I don't know why we never really talked when she was here with me and when we could touch each other. Now I have to be pleased by talking on skype, but that really doesn't makes me happy. I guess I regret not TALKING to her. She's a good friend and I really don't wanna miss her. I hope distance is not the meaning of disaster when talking about friendship. God! I miss the whole group (M, A, Ad, T, Th, E,etc.) I guess lunch on tuesdays is never gonna be the same.

Cheers to u, my dearest gringo friends.